...Another one...
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
IMG00569-20101204-1205.jpg
Installation at rockridge library for December.
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Someone Crying for Help
I don't really like my neighborhood. At first I was enamoured of it because it was so different than where I had lived before, and I found the people so interesting...and in some cases, scary. So strange.
Now, I am sick of how ugly it is--people throw trash around, littering. People pave their garden space in front of their homes. The culture is very loud. The people down the street who used to have loud parties until 4am frequently have finally moved away. My neighbor was happy about that. The end of an era, she said. Don't know where they're going, and don't care.
People I thought were just being friendly ask me for jobs around the house, or in the yard. I don't have the money to pay them. Sob stories on my porch--"For my granddaughter's birthday..." Good lord. When I lived off of Piedmont Avenue, that was the constant line from one beggar, "Trying to get some money for my grandkids." She lives in a nice house off Piedmont Avenue, and apparently enough people give her money (white guilt) that she does quite well.
And then there is the yelling. I hear some of the most disturbing things at night. One night one of my neighbors was having a fight with a very dirty-mouthed, disrespectful man who was wantonly tossing the term, "dirty bitch" around in a menacing way. It was like the dialog from a bad television show. Not what I want to hear outside my bedroom window.
The loud party neighbors (the house across the street is also loud, but generally not as late or as frequently--the guy has the weirdest laugh that echos around the porch) had women yelling for an hour sometimes, fighting with someone. And sometimes they would shout Help or something, but it wasn't serious. Or was it? It is impossible to tell.
I can't tell when someone needs help. And I feel a strong sense that if I interfered in any way, in any of these things, there would be retribution for meddling, or something. Breaking into my house, hurting the dogs...that type of thing.
Our letter carrier doesn't shut the mailbox.
Anyway, the other night I heard two people talking loudly at 2am on the street, and I heard the woman saying, "No no no no." and then "Someone please help me!". She only said it once. And I wasn't sure if it was a real request since there is so much shouting and yelling around here. Looking back, I wish I'd called the police, but it stopped soon after that. My initial reaction is to go out and help a person, but if it is a dangerous situation, that puts me in danger.
And, I am wondering if my neighbor I used to talk to a lot was involved. It was in front of his house.
What do you do?
Well, I want to move.
I want to live in a pretty area with greenery, with trees, and places to walk. Where I can go outside and help someone who is asking for help, where I know a request for help is genuine, and would be appreciated.
Now, I am sick of how ugly it is--people throw trash around, littering. People pave their garden space in front of their homes. The culture is very loud. The people down the street who used to have loud parties until 4am frequently have finally moved away. My neighbor was happy about that. The end of an era, she said. Don't know where they're going, and don't care.
People I thought were just being friendly ask me for jobs around the house, or in the yard. I don't have the money to pay them. Sob stories on my porch--"For my granddaughter's birthday..." Good lord. When I lived off of Piedmont Avenue, that was the constant line from one beggar, "Trying to get some money for my grandkids." She lives in a nice house off Piedmont Avenue, and apparently enough people give her money (white guilt) that she does quite well.
And then there is the yelling. I hear some of the most disturbing things at night. One night one of my neighbors was having a fight with a very dirty-mouthed, disrespectful man who was wantonly tossing the term, "dirty bitch" around in a menacing way. It was like the dialog from a bad television show. Not what I want to hear outside my bedroom window.
The loud party neighbors (the house across the street is also loud, but generally not as late or as frequently--the guy has the weirdest laugh that echos around the porch) had women yelling for an hour sometimes, fighting with someone. And sometimes they would shout Help or something, but it wasn't serious. Or was it? It is impossible to tell.
I can't tell when someone needs help. And I feel a strong sense that if I interfered in any way, in any of these things, there would be retribution for meddling, or something. Breaking into my house, hurting the dogs...that type of thing.
Our letter carrier doesn't shut the mailbox.
Anyway, the other night I heard two people talking loudly at 2am on the street, and I heard the woman saying, "No no no no." and then "Someone please help me!". She only said it once. And I wasn't sure if it was a real request since there is so much shouting and yelling around here. Looking back, I wish I'd called the police, but it stopped soon after that. My initial reaction is to go out and help a person, but if it is a dangerous situation, that puts me in danger.
And, I am wondering if my neighbor I used to talk to a lot was involved. It was in front of his house.
What do you do?
Well, I want to move.
I want to live in a pretty area with greenery, with trees, and places to walk. Where I can go outside and help someone who is asking for help, where I know a request for help is genuine, and would be appreciated.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Making Art. Why are you telling me to look at someone else's?
Why do people keep insisting I look at other artists work? Really I am not that interested in seeing other people's work when I am creating something myself. The same with writing. I will write in my own style. I don't need to read other books to see how I want to write! Gah! I realize people like to relate things to things. Having something come out of the blue is unnerving. ? I'm reading my American Art History book right now, and the author is constantly saying "So & so must have been influenced by so & so because look at this painting." That is fine except the author is presenting no evidence that this painter *was* influenced by whoever else. It's fine when they are, but assuming they have been influenced when there is no evidence for such doesn't make sense to me. Here is why. In the sciences, it is a known phenomenon that sometimes several people come up with a similar discoveriy at around the same time. It is as if the world thinking has gotten to a point where that discovery is going to be made. All signs point to this, and so forth. An example of this is the discovery of the Calculus by Leibnez & Newton. So why would this be any different with artistic styles? It was coming. And. I have a teacher who just told me "Art is like that. It's a constant struggle." And I disagree. I had never had that issue until I started doing a project in her cllass, and nascent ideas were critiqued and corrected before they were executed. Which is not the best way to support the creative process. It was so frustrating for me....like a kind of torture. I have an idea in my mind, and I know from experience that it will work itself out in the medium I am using...and it is constantly being interrupted by corrections before it is formed. I spoke about it and the instructor backed off some, which I appreciate. Is this insistence to look at other people's artwork a lack of creativity? Like I am supposed to be getting ideas from these other peple? I fully believe in following the flow of my vision, have teh idea or dream, that inspiration, and mke it, impulse to action. It's simple, and I love it. It's exhilarating to make art this way. I don't need external reference or early feedback. I don't need to see what other people are doing (which to me is part of the "art kissing its own ass" problem in the artworld, and hollywood--"Oh my god! An IDEA!"). I have my inspiration, I have my idea, and that is what I do (particularly with installations) Or in the case of clay or drawing, I have a strong emotion and sometimes an image, and that is what my hands make. Something appears in the clay, and that is what I make. I don't know what it will look like beforehand unless I am doing an exercise for a class; even then I am often surprised. And that is part of the joy of doing the work. So why are you sending me off of my internal vision (which is influenced by many things in the world), to look at others? It doesn't make any sense.
Making Art. Why are you telling me to look at someone else's?
Why do people keep insisting I look at other artists work? Really I am not that interested in seeing other people's work when I am creating something myself. The same with writing. I will write in my own style. I don't need to read other books to see how I want to write! Gah! I realize people like to relate things to things. Having something come out of the blue is unnerving. ? I'm reading my American Art History book right now, and the author is constantly saying "So & so must have been influenced by so & so because look at this painting." That is fine except the author is presenting no evidence that this painter *was* influenced by whoever else. It's fine when they are, but assuming they have been influenced when there is no evidence for such doesn't make sense to me. Here is why. In the sciences, it is a known phenomenon that sometimes several people come up with a similar discoveriy at around the same time. It is as if the world thinking has gotten to a point where that discovery is going to be made. All signs point to this, and so forth. An example of this is the discovery of the Calculus by Leibnez & Newton.
So why would this be any different with artistic styles? It was coming.
And. I have a teacher who just told me "Art is like that. It's a constant struggle." And I disagree. I had never had that issue until I started doing a project in her cllass, and nascent ideas were critiqued and corrected before they were executed. Which is not the best way to support the creative process. It was so frustrating for me....like a kind of torture. I have an idea in my mind, and I know from experience that it will work itself out in the medium I am using...and it is constantly being interrupted by corrections before it is formed.
I spoke about it and the instructor backed off some, which I appreciate. Is this insistence to look at other people's artwork a lack of creativity? Like I am supposed to be getting ideas from these other peple? I fully believe in following the flow of my vision, have teh idea or dream, that inspiration, and mke it, impulse to action. It's simple, and I love it. It's exhilarating to make art this way. I don't need external reference or early feedback. I don't need to see what other people are doing (which to me is part of the "art kissing its own ass" problem in the artworld, and hollywood--"Oh my god! An IDEA!").
I have my inspiration, I have my idea, and that is what I do (particularly with installations) Or in the case of clay or drawing, I have a strong emotion and sometimes an image, and that is what my hands make. Something appears in the clay, and that is what I make. I don't know what it will look like beforehand unless I am doing an exercise for a class; even then I am often surprised. And that is part of the joy of doing the work. So why are you sending me off of my internal vision (which is influenced by many things in the world), to look at others? It doesn't make any sense.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
IMG00466-20101108-1601.jpg
I like this one, especially the center figure gesture.
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry ArtsMonday, November 8, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
SF Open Studios 2010 at Fort Mason
Ah, it was great for me! Some people who love art came to the Fort Mason Open Studios, and it is always nice for artists to see and hear from people who love art.
I got some really great feedback and insight (people's perspective and opinions) about some of my work. The wire mesh heads were particularly popular. People tended to make a beeline right to them. It was fascinating.
There were several people who purchased the wire mesh heads. One in particular has an *amazing* art collection at his house, and I was flattered that my work was added to it. (I delivered the head & got to see some of the beautiful work in his home.)
The opening evening party was fun & my little wire figures...hmm let me see if there is a photo....were purchased right away! And I have a commission for a wire figure I am working on right now--the same person would like it to be in his eyeglasses shop. And move around. *Awesome*
Coffee Shop Expressions
Sometimes the expressions of people at a coffee shop are kinda funny...People intensely working while jacked up on too much coffee--which makes you more distracted than usual.
(I didn't realize what a scene it is at Philz Coffee in Berkeley in the evening.)
Face screwed up, intently looking at papers....OOOOH. workin' hard.
This happened with me a couple weeks ago. I was trying to finish a freakin' paper, and I kept drinking coffee...and I don't know that it helped me to focus, because it took me much longer than usual to finish it. I don't know if it was just the coffee or trying to figure out which information to cull, because I had done a lot of research, but it didn't flow like I was used to.
This could also do with the disruption of my mind from the migraine medication. Butterbur extract was so much less affective than the topamirate (which turned out to help me not at all), but it still disrupted my cognitive function and ability to write. ...I wonder if I am slightly ADHD. I was listening to teenagers talk about it, and ...oh, pretty! look, sparkley!
Anyway, someone (my neurologist?) said, "I don't know if you're normally this hyper," which was funny to me because I don't usually think of myself as hyperactive. However, after listening to the teens talk about being ADHD, I think there is a little bit there. Keeping tabs on it.
I'm going to write more about migraines. I started to while I was taking the topamirate, and I could not write anymore! It is something I no longer take for granted.
(I didn't realize what a scene it is at Philz Coffee in Berkeley in the evening.)
Face screwed up, intently looking at papers....OOOOH. workin' hard.
This happened with me a couple weeks ago. I was trying to finish a freakin' paper, and I kept drinking coffee...and I don't know that it helped me to focus, because it took me much longer than usual to finish it. I don't know if it was just the coffee or trying to figure out which information to cull, because I had done a lot of research, but it didn't flow like I was used to.
This could also do with the disruption of my mind from the migraine medication. Butterbur extract was so much less affective than the topamirate (which turned out to help me not at all), but it still disrupted my cognitive function and ability to write. ...I wonder if I am slightly ADHD. I was listening to teenagers talk about it, and ...oh, pretty! look, sparkley!
Anyway, someone (my neurologist?) said, "I don't know if you're normally this hyper," which was funny to me because I don't usually think of myself as hyperactive. However, after listening to the teens talk about being ADHD, I think there is a little bit there. Keeping tabs on it.
I'm going to write more about migraines. I started to while I was taking the topamirate, and I could not write anymore! It is something I no longer take for granted.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sinead
I am listening to sinead o'conner---I love singing with her, and I have liked her since I was 20 or so and found her cd in Minneapolis...after that trip from Caltech to Minnesota with my boyfriend, we drove down to Missouri to visit my ...ex-roommate. We'd been in love with each other, but she had been too scared to ... well. Whenever I sang with the cd, my boyfriend thought I was singing the songs to him. I mean, he took them personally.
I'm reading my American Art History homework. I feel like I am becoming. I wonder if I will always feel this way.
I am learning so much. And I wonder when I will feel like I have some real art to show. :-)
Friday, October 29, 2010
IMG00406-20101022-1909.jpg
Photo from Open Studios at fort mason last week.
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry ArtsMonday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
I am so happy....
Nothing in the kiln is exploding! Ahhh, slow fire!
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
cornerWireFigure.jpg
This is a smaller wire figure (in a box with others). The one I am working on now is life size, which is quite a different experiment.
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
builtFigure1.jpg
This is something I am making in my ceramic sculpture class.
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry ArtsMonday, October 11, 2010
I miss my son...
I worked sooo hard to be with him as a baby, attachment parenting him, birthing him without drugs, helping him build a strong self-esteem and sense of self, and now he is gone half the time. It's so painful.
Yelling again.
Well, she's yelling again. It's almost 2pm and her voice is hoarse from so much screaming. It goes on and on...hey, just like my momma (*&()#($&).
We have neighbors, particularly in one house down the street, where people yell and scream at each other, young children cry while older children laugh...it's distressing to listen to. And I cannot tell if or when something is serious over there--is there something really wrong? Do I need to call the ambulance or the police?
I don't know. And I have the definite sensation that if I did call the police, they would take revenge in some way.
This is what I would call the soundtrack to hell (I mean the yelling and crying, and screaming...)
We have neighbors, particularly in one house down the street, where people yell and scream at each other, young children cry while older children laugh...it's distressing to listen to. And I cannot tell if or when something is serious over there--is there something really wrong? Do I need to call the ambulance or the police?
I don't know. And I have the definite sensation that if I did call the police, they would take revenge in some way.
This is what I would call the soundtrack to hell (I mean the yelling and crying, and screaming...)
Sunday, October 10, 2010
GGparkWomanIdeal.jpg
Well, here is a woman. Yay! But she isn't a specific person; rather, she represents an idea, an idea. I think this case is liberty. I am sure people have discussed this at length. I am struck by it today.
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
statuesGGPark.jpg
Where are the monumental statues of women? I am struck by their absence. This is Goethe & Schiller--Beautiful. However, I want some women!
Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
On being Vegan
Well....first, I don't appreciate that "vegan" is not considered a diet, it is a politics. So if you happen to have a "vegan" diet with some sustainable, free-range, organic meat when you feel your body needs it, it's extremely strange to say "I'm vegan but eat meat."
I am not extreme in my beliefs; I like the idea of veganism, but in practice, it doesn't work for my system.
Some of the side-effects for me of being vegan (for a year):
1. overate trying to get ...whatever it is.
2. brain didn't work as well--stupid.
3. very low energy compared to what I was used to (particularly stamina was vastly decreased).
4. depression
5. dream about eating meat.
I'm not willing to sacrifice my energy, mind, and body to an ideal. (I don't know that it *is* an ideal, since soy is usually such a high portion of the diet). I think it can work for some people, but it doesn't work for me. So now, I eat sustainable, grass-fed, pastured, humanely raised, organic (fed what they are meant to eat) meat whenever I feel I need it. I wish exclusively, but there aren't many sources of pastured (Marin Sun Farms, & Prather Ranch have them) and humanely raised. The funny thing about all this "sustainable, grass-fed, pastured, free-range, organic, humanely raised" is that this used to be taken for granted. And with marketing, the words are being taken over to mean something else. For example "free-range" often means that there is a door for the chickens to go outside of the huge chicken coop--which they never use, because they aren't allowed out as chicks...etc.
As far as sustainability, I don't like how soy & corn monocropping is destroying the farmlands in the midwest. Mono-cropping is when you have hundreds of miles of one crop. And then you get pests, because, well, YUM! Then you have lots of pesticides, which flow into the riverways & pollute our water. I suppose we'll see what happens, but I don't want to support those.
It's the same with cattle and pigs, and chickens. The Concentrated Feedlots (mmmm, doesn't that sound healthy) are mono-cropping with animals. I strongly feel that Americans' demand for meat must go down. It used to be a chicken a week was enough--meat every single day for every meal is not normal, and as we are seeing with the obesity (among subsidized corn and other factors), it is not healthy!
The Concentrated Feedlot Operations (CFOs) for cattle/beef production as well as other animal CFOS are destroying our environment--the poop is concentrated in such form that it is toxic and flowing down to the rivers and our waterways. From the air this is particularly obvious. We really need to push for sustainable food sources--polyculture farms. And our demand for meat needs to decrease to reasonable levels. The cattle & chicken waste, for example, are necessary to replenish the soil, when it isn't so concentrated as to become toxic.
I am not extreme in my beliefs; I like the idea of veganism, but in practice, it doesn't work for my system.
Some of the side-effects for me of being vegan (for a year):
1. overate trying to get ...whatever it is.
2. brain didn't work as well--stupid.
3. very low energy compared to what I was used to (particularly stamina was vastly decreased).
4. depression
5. dream about eating meat.
I'm not willing to sacrifice my energy, mind, and body to an ideal. (I don't know that it *is* an ideal, since soy is usually such a high portion of the diet). I think it can work for some people, but it doesn't work for me. So now, I eat sustainable, grass-fed, pastured, humanely raised, organic (fed what they are meant to eat) meat whenever I feel I need it. I wish exclusively, but there aren't many sources of pastured (Marin Sun Farms, & Prather Ranch have them) and humanely raised. The funny thing about all this "sustainable, grass-fed, pastured, free-range, organic, humanely raised" is that this used to be taken for granted. And with marketing, the words are being taken over to mean something else. For example "free-range" often means that there is a door for the chickens to go outside of the huge chicken coop--which they never use, because they aren't allowed out as chicks...etc.
As far as sustainability, I don't like how soy & corn monocropping is destroying the farmlands in the midwest. Mono-cropping is when you have hundreds of miles of one crop. And then you get pests, because, well, YUM! Then you have lots of pesticides, which flow into the riverways & pollute our water. I suppose we'll see what happens, but I don't want to support those.
It's the same with cattle and pigs, and chickens. The Concentrated Feedlots (mmmm, doesn't that sound healthy) are mono-cropping with animals. I strongly feel that Americans' demand for meat must go down. It used to be a chicken a week was enough--meat every single day for every meal is not normal, and as we are seeing with the obesity (among subsidized corn and other factors), it is not healthy!
The Concentrated Feedlot Operations (CFOs) for cattle/beef production as well as other animal CFOS are destroying our environment--the poop is concentrated in such form that it is toxic and flowing down to the rivers and our waterways. From the air this is particularly obvious. We really need to push for sustainable food sources--polyculture farms. And our demand for meat needs to decrease to reasonable levels. The cattle & chicken waste, for example, are necessary to replenish the soil, when it isn't so concentrated as to become toxic.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Princess
...with a bad attitude. She complains a lot. She has come from Mt Diablo college to City College SF...6+ weeks into the semester. She complains that people weren't very nice to her (I suppose for registering so late). Why is she here? She is from Germany by way of Afghanistan; from what I understand, schools are amazing in Germany (and funded!). So why would she be flying all this way to a community college in the US...wtf? It makes no sense, so I am suspicious. And she is so bitter about people who have helped her get into this school. Weird.... Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
Hospitals, bills, worker's comp... circular
I am so relieved! I am getting worker's comp for hospital bills which occurred because of my severe allergic reaction to the TB test which was required for work at the school (I have a part time job while I am in school full time). Twice. I'm so grateful for worker's compensation--at the same time, this entire traumatic event would not have happened if I hadn't signed up to work. This is a little difficult to get my head around, but that's why it's worker's compensation. Which I am really grateful for, because health insurance...? Ahhahahahaha! Anya Sophe Behn, Aliencranberry Arts
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Dear Mine (or, Anaphylactic Shock, part II)
Dear Mine,
Thank you so much for your concern about my allergies, and your help in letting other students know that wearing perfumes can be a problem for people.
I have some good news and some bad news within the same news. It turns out that it wasn't exactly the perfume someone was wearing in class. It turns out that I was severely allergic to the TB test, and that is what made my throat close, and that is why I had trouble breathing. Because I was having an allergic reaction within my system, I was having asthma, and was sensitive to things I normally don't have a problem with--like the perfume--so I was taking benadryl to go to class. I let you know about it after the first TB test; and to work on campus, I had to have another TB test, you know, to make sure I don't have TB, and I ended up in the emergency room later that night because my throat was swelling and I couldn't breathe properly. I still thought I was having a reaction to perfumes (a new sudden severe allergy?!?) because I was getting the TB tests on the same day I have your class, and I was really noticing the perfume.
As I was laying in the hospital after they gave me an IV with benedryl and prednazone and pepcid and my throat was suddenly fine again, I saw the bruise on my arm from the TB test and it occurred to me that each time I had had serious trouble breathing, I had had the TB test. Who knew?
So it turns out I am one in a million (haha) that has a severe allergic reaction, throat swelling, anaphylactic shock to the TB test. It also turns out that this is noted on the pamphlet/instructions included in the box with the serum.
In consequence, as I have been slowly recovering from the shock to my system, I have not been having trouble with the perfume.
I have appreciated your concern, and thought you should know.
Best Regards,
+a+
ps. Next time I go to the health center and tell them I am having a breathing problem, I will insist on being seen immediately. (Making me an appointment two weeks out?! Hello!)
Thank you so much for your concern about my allergies, and your help in letting other students know that wearing perfumes can be a problem for people.
I have some good news and some bad news within the same news. It turns out that it wasn't exactly the perfume someone was wearing in class. It turns out that I was severely allergic to the TB test, and that is what made my throat close, and that is why I had trouble breathing. Because I was having an allergic reaction within my system, I was having asthma, and was sensitive to things I normally don't have a problem with--like the perfume--so I was taking benadryl to go to class. I let you know about it after the first TB test; and to work on campus, I had to have another TB test, you know, to make sure I don't have TB, and I ended up in the emergency room later that night because my throat was swelling and I couldn't breathe properly. I still thought I was having a reaction to perfumes (a new sudden severe allergy?!?) because I was getting the TB tests on the same day I have your class, and I was really noticing the perfume.
As I was laying in the hospital after they gave me an IV with benedryl and prednazone and pepcid and my throat was suddenly fine again, I saw the bruise on my arm from the TB test and it occurred to me that each time I had had serious trouble breathing, I had had the TB test. Who knew?
So it turns out I am one in a million (haha) that has a severe allergic reaction, throat swelling, anaphylactic shock to the TB test. It also turns out that this is noted on the pamphlet/instructions included in the box with the serum.
In consequence, as I have been slowly recovering from the shock to my system, I have not been having trouble with the perfume.
I have appreciated your concern, and thought you should know.
Best Regards,
+a+
ps. Next time I go to the health center and tell them I am having a breathing problem, I will insist on being seen immediately. (Making me an appointment two weeks out?! Hello!)
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Slavery
I find it strange that part of the history of slavery seems to be cut off from the discourse--namely that it was a norm in the cultural paradigm of Africa to have slaves, and export slaves as a way of building personal wealth and power, as land ownership was not in the culture.
I am not saying slavery was a good thing or anything like that, rather that there is a larger context which is often ignored. The white European's didn't start the slave trade by themselves--it was already extant. The demand for slaves changed the scale, and that had a huge effect.
http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/slav/hd_slav.htm is one of the most macro-whole picture articles I have read about it, and I appreciate that.
I'm reading the book "Brainwashed", which is also very interesting; I haven't gotten that far into it yet.
There were also white Irish slaves in America, but it was nothing like the scale.
I am not saying slavery was a good thing or anything like that, rather that there is a larger context which is often ignored. The white European's didn't start the slave trade by themselves--it was already extant. The demand for slaves changed the scale, and that had a huge effect.
http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/slav/hd_slav.htm is one of the most macro-whole picture articles I have read about it, and I appreciate that.
I'm reading the book "Brainwashed", which is also very interesting; I haven't gotten that far into it yet.
There were also white Irish slaves in America, but it was nothing like the scale.
American Art History...and shouty neighbors
I really should be reading my American Art history. It's like a 100 pages! And the textbook isn't very good, which was disappointing. Also my neighbors are constantly having parties or shouting matches in the yard. Hrm.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Anaphylactic Shock
I've noticed as I have gone through life that there are several things which cannot be described enough with words to translate the experience you've had to another person...in anything like how it was to have that experience. What I mean is that very little of the experience is translatable without the other person having experienced something like it.
A couple examples are: having a baby, experiencing a decrease in mental function temporarily or permanently (from pharmaceuticals, migraine recovering time, pregnancy...as examples), and, anaphylactic shock.
What is anaphylactic shock? Why does it happen? Well, I don't really know. I know I never understood it until now, never understood what that experience could be like.
Here is my experience. I had a TB skin test (which was required) a few weeks ago. That same day, I was about to have some gum while I was riding the BART train home, and my throat closed up. ! I didn't know why, I couldn't get my breath, and I thought "Oh my god, I'm going to pass out on the floor and it will be up to someone else to help me..." I fumbled for a homeopathic allergy or asthma pill I had, and that seemed to help--I could actually breathe a little bit. My body needed something I didn't have. I ate some chocolate, hoping the caffeine would help in some way. I concentrated on calmly breathing into my belly. The train ride felt like I was holding my breath. I missed my stop because I was so disoriented. My throat closing? What? Is it from perfume someone in class was wearing? I'd never had that kind of allergy before. Was it the propolis gum I tried to chew? I've not been allergic to honey, but several people are.
I got off the train at the next stop and, still somewhat holding my breath because my throat wasn't entirely open for airflow, I considered asking a man with a bicycle if he had an epi-pen or benadryl. Something. The train came in 7 minutes. Focus on breathing. Slowly in and out. Think.
Rode the right train for a few minutes; it felt like my stop would never come. Walked home as well as I could--I was staying vertical, which was a congratulatory accomplishment. At last at home I got some benadryl as soon as I could get my hands on it; I think I took two. I started to feel better.
Freaky experience. Why did that happen? I wrote it off as a fluke, or caused by perfume, and I will now carry my inhaler, my asthma pills, and benadryl at all times.
A few weeks later....
Went to the student health center for my second TB skin test, 3:15pm--they say they test twice in case of a false negative. I came home--I'd previously taken benadryl during one of my classes because I was paranoid that a classmate's perfume was what made my throat close, and I didn't want that to happen again.
Around 9pm I started to feel really weird. Dizzy and ... a little like I was having an asthma attack, which feels like an uncomfortable tightness in your chest, and that you cannot get quite enough air.
I decided to go to bed; perhaps I was tired. I couldn't sleep; I felt very uncomfortable. I kept raising my head on pillows, sitting up further, to get more air, but my throat felt swollen on the inside. The airflow wasn't what I was accustomed to. The weirdest part for me though was that I was dizzy lying down.
My arms and legs felt like there was no blood in them. I asked my partner to please look up 'epi-pen' to see what was in it--I was hoping there was something we had in the house I could use to mimic the effect. I wasn't sure something was happening really, but I knew this wasn't how I normally felt, and it wasn't going away. My partner came back with the news that if it was anaphylactic shock that it didn't just go away, that it was considered a medical emergency.
A word about insurance. I have disaster insurance, which is *still* costing me a pretty penny; but I pay out of pocket until the costs reach $4,000. (Oh, yes, they raised the rates by 20%+ a few months ago, based on very weak evidence that "healthcare costs were rising".) Because of this, I am reluctant to go to the Emergency Room. I choose carefully when or if I am going to see a doctor as well. So I cried, scared, not knowing what was going on, but realized that it wasn't getting better, I couldn't sleep, I was dizzy and felt really weird, and I somehow knew that if I did faint or fall asleep that would not be a good thing. I was shaking and felt really really cold. Had to use the toilet and hands and legs were shaking so badly it was difficult to stand back up.
So I finally decided to go to the ER. It was midnight. We fought. I was so confused. Crying, traumatized, unable to speak properly or think straight, having trouble breathing. Fighting?!
We went to Alta Bates Emergency Room first, which was the closest. We walked in and there were about 15 people waiting, which wasn't so good. Walked up to the counter and the man asked, "Do you need to be seen?" Yes. "Are you having trouble breathing?" Yes. (How did he know?) "Are you cold?" Yes. (Does he just know these are the symptoms of my problem?)
I was handed a warm blanket. Then we sat and waited. And waited. No triage nurse. I asked my partner to see how long it would be and he got an answer like "No one knows, it could be any length of time..." I don't know...if you're having trouble breathing, you're probably more impatient than the average emergency room patron (ahahaha...). Really. I think most people were in for the flu or something. I have a secret emergency room I like to go to. It isn't too far away, and you get treated almost immediately.
So we left the Alta Bates Emergency Room, which gave the strong impression you were about to be cared for....time ticks by....but you're still sitting there....Back to the car, and off to the emptier emergency room. I went in, and was helped almost immediately by the check-in/triage person, and then taken in the back by the nurse.
Back to how everyone is coming in with the flu? The nurse got the wrong impression and thought I was there because my throat hurt. That caused some confusion when the doctor asked me how much I was coughing...Coughing? No, I'm here because my throat feels swollen, and I am not breathing in the manner to which I am accustomed. The doctor was going to give me something for my throat pain--yes, my throat hurts because it is swollen...I don't have a flu or a cold, and I want this hospital visit to be as inexpensive as possible. I can do without the pain medication.
The doctor was understanding. I asked about an epi-pen and that sort of thing, and she said, "Let's see how you respond to the treatment first, and then we can see about that." Ah, impatient to breathe better. That makes sense. The nurse put in an IV, and she complemented me on not kicking or screaming or hitting her, and then the nurse turned into a man (there was a shift change), and he came in and gave me shots in the IV, as the doctor ordered. Prednazone, Benadryl, Pepcid. I swear it was less than a minute after the injections, my throat caught--it felt like I wouldn't be able to get my breath--and then suddenly the swelling was down, and I could breathe!
I was so happy. I told the nurse I felt much better. He relayed that to the doctor, and she came in and said good, and that she wanted to watch me for a few hours. My partner said that was a long time. I was observing the exploding air--little puffs of gray exploding air, waves of it going up the walls.... While I was laying there thinking about possible causes of this (perfume seems so unlikely!), and I glanced at my arm and remembered the TB test. And my throat closing in the BART...hey, that was the same day I had the first TB test. Oh, it made so much sense! I relayed this to the doctor, and she said, "Ah, that makes much more sense than perfume or something." Then I fell asleep. They'd said I was about to get more sleepy. I was glad to get the rest. Ahhhhhh. What a relief!
I felt a little worried about my throat swelling again, it coming back...this is not a sensation you ever want to feel, ever again. But, I slept. And the doctor wrote a prescription for the Prednazone, Pepcid, and Benadryl for four days, and an Epi-pen. And she said Never, Never let anyone do a TB skin test again.
I have filled out the report? form for the FDA, and I read about anaphylactic shock from TB tests. Apparently it is about one in a million who react this way, with swelling throat, etc. And noone really knows why.
As I was unfamiliar with how to proceed through the days following an experience like this, I've been following the prescription instructions from the ER doctor (Thank you!), and I saw a doctor today to follow-up. She said it is not unusual to feel the way I do after that situation--crappy, and chest is tight and congested. My lungs are clear (ah, good!). She said I should have some healing time, and take the benadryl even if it makes me sleepy, and rest. The medicines are continuing to take down the inflammation.
My regular doctor is on permanent medical leave. :-( She is such a great doctor. I'm sending her a card c/o her office. I wish she was doing well. Thanks to her for being a doctor for us!
http://www.yelp.com/biz/rachel-callaghan-md-oakland
...
Well, my sympathies go out to anyone who has ever experienced trouble breathing. I did some research and there is a chinese formula which has been shown to prevent anaphylactic responses.
The two herbs which seem to make the biggest difference are:
Zhi Fu Zi (Radix Lateralis Aconiti Carmichaeli Praeparata)
and
Xi Xin (Herba Asari)
In English, these are monkshood daughter root and chinese wild ginger.
These above links are to a couple formulas that have both of these in it (and that tcm website is Awesome!). My current favorite to try is da huang fu zi tang. I have found acupuncture to help me with controlling my asthma and allergies, and I haven't been in months and months (since my acupuncturist started seeing my ex--it felt too weird), so I'm trying a new place tomorrow. Perhaps they'll have the herbs to try too!
A couple examples are: having a baby, experiencing a decrease in mental function temporarily or permanently (from pharmaceuticals, migraine recovering time, pregnancy...as examples), and, anaphylactic shock.
What is anaphylactic shock? Why does it happen? Well, I don't really know. I know I never understood it until now, never understood what that experience could be like.
Here is my experience. I had a TB skin test (which was required) a few weeks ago. That same day, I was about to have some gum while I was riding the BART train home, and my throat closed up. ! I didn't know why, I couldn't get my breath, and I thought "Oh my god, I'm going to pass out on the floor and it will be up to someone else to help me..." I fumbled for a homeopathic allergy or asthma pill I had, and that seemed to help--I could actually breathe a little bit. My body needed something I didn't have. I ate some chocolate, hoping the caffeine would help in some way. I concentrated on calmly breathing into my belly. The train ride felt like I was holding my breath. I missed my stop because I was so disoriented. My throat closing? What? Is it from perfume someone in class was wearing? I'd never had that kind of allergy before. Was it the propolis gum I tried to chew? I've not been allergic to honey, but several people are.
I got off the train at the next stop and, still somewhat holding my breath because my throat wasn't entirely open for airflow, I considered asking a man with a bicycle if he had an epi-pen or benadryl. Something. The train came in 7 minutes. Focus on breathing. Slowly in and out. Think.
Rode the right train for a few minutes; it felt like my stop would never come. Walked home as well as I could--I was staying vertical, which was a congratulatory accomplishment. At last at home I got some benadryl as soon as I could get my hands on it; I think I took two. I started to feel better.
Freaky experience. Why did that happen? I wrote it off as a fluke, or caused by perfume, and I will now carry my inhaler, my asthma pills, and benadryl at all times.
A few weeks later....
Went to the student health center for my second TB skin test, 3:15pm--they say they test twice in case of a false negative. I came home--I'd previously taken benadryl during one of my classes because I was paranoid that a classmate's perfume was what made my throat close, and I didn't want that to happen again.
Around 9pm I started to feel really weird. Dizzy and ... a little like I was having an asthma attack, which feels like an uncomfortable tightness in your chest, and that you cannot get quite enough air.
I decided to go to bed; perhaps I was tired. I couldn't sleep; I felt very uncomfortable. I kept raising my head on pillows, sitting up further, to get more air, but my throat felt swollen on the inside. The airflow wasn't what I was accustomed to. The weirdest part for me though was that I was dizzy lying down.
My arms and legs felt like there was no blood in them. I asked my partner to please look up 'epi-pen' to see what was in it--I was hoping there was something we had in the house I could use to mimic the effect. I wasn't sure something was happening really, but I knew this wasn't how I normally felt, and it wasn't going away. My partner came back with the news that if it was anaphylactic shock that it didn't just go away, that it was considered a medical emergency.
A word about insurance. I have disaster insurance, which is *still* costing me a pretty penny; but I pay out of pocket until the costs reach $4,000. (Oh, yes, they raised the rates by 20%+ a few months ago, based on very weak evidence that "healthcare costs were rising".) Because of this, I am reluctant to go to the Emergency Room. I choose carefully when or if I am going to see a doctor as well. So I cried, scared, not knowing what was going on, but realized that it wasn't getting better, I couldn't sleep, I was dizzy and felt really weird, and I somehow knew that if I did faint or fall asleep that would not be a good thing. I was shaking and felt really really cold. Had to use the toilet and hands and legs were shaking so badly it was difficult to stand back up.
So I finally decided to go to the ER. It was midnight. We fought. I was so confused. Crying, traumatized, unable to speak properly or think straight, having trouble breathing. Fighting?!
We went to Alta Bates Emergency Room first, which was the closest. We walked in and there were about 15 people waiting, which wasn't so good. Walked up to the counter and the man asked, "Do you need to be seen?" Yes. "Are you having trouble breathing?" Yes. (How did he know?) "Are you cold?" Yes. (Does he just know these are the symptoms of my problem?)
I was handed a warm blanket. Then we sat and waited. And waited. No triage nurse. I asked my partner to see how long it would be and he got an answer like "No one knows, it could be any length of time..." I don't know...if you're having trouble breathing, you're probably more impatient than the average emergency room patron (ahahaha...). Really. I think most people were in for the flu or something. I have a secret emergency room I like to go to. It isn't too far away, and you get treated almost immediately.
So we left the Alta Bates Emergency Room, which gave the strong impression you were about to be cared for....time ticks by....but you're still sitting there....Back to the car, and off to the emptier emergency room. I went in, and was helped almost immediately by the check-in/triage person, and then taken in the back by the nurse.
Back to how everyone is coming in with the flu? The nurse got the wrong impression and thought I was there because my throat hurt. That caused some confusion when the doctor asked me how much I was coughing...Coughing? No, I'm here because my throat feels swollen, and I am not breathing in the manner to which I am accustomed. The doctor was going to give me something for my throat pain--yes, my throat hurts because it is swollen...I don't have a flu or a cold, and I want this hospital visit to be as inexpensive as possible. I can do without the pain medication.
The doctor was understanding. I asked about an epi-pen and that sort of thing, and she said, "Let's see how you respond to the treatment first, and then we can see about that." Ah, impatient to breathe better. That makes sense. The nurse put in an IV, and she complemented me on not kicking or screaming or hitting her, and then the nurse turned into a man (there was a shift change), and he came in and gave me shots in the IV, as the doctor ordered. Prednazone, Benadryl, Pepcid. I swear it was less than a minute after the injections, my throat caught--it felt like I wouldn't be able to get my breath--and then suddenly the swelling was down, and I could breathe!
I was so happy. I told the nurse I felt much better. He relayed that to the doctor, and she came in and said good, and that she wanted to watch me for a few hours. My partner said that was a long time. I was observing the exploding air--little puffs of gray exploding air, waves of it going up the walls.... While I was laying there thinking about possible causes of this (perfume seems so unlikely!), and I glanced at my arm and remembered the TB test. And my throat closing in the BART...hey, that was the same day I had the first TB test. Oh, it made so much sense! I relayed this to the doctor, and she said, "Ah, that makes much more sense than perfume or something." Then I fell asleep. They'd said I was about to get more sleepy. I was glad to get the rest. Ahhhhhh. What a relief!
I felt a little worried about my throat swelling again, it coming back...this is not a sensation you ever want to feel, ever again. But, I slept. And the doctor wrote a prescription for the Prednazone, Pepcid, and Benadryl for four days, and an Epi-pen. And she said Never, Never let anyone do a TB skin test again.
I have filled out the report? form for the FDA, and I read about anaphylactic shock from TB tests. Apparently it is about one in a million who react this way, with swelling throat, etc. And noone really knows why.
As I was unfamiliar with how to proceed through the days following an experience like this, I've been following the prescription instructions from the ER doctor (Thank you!), and I saw a doctor today to follow-up. She said it is not unusual to feel the way I do after that situation--crappy, and chest is tight and congested. My lungs are clear (ah, good!). She said I should have some healing time, and take the benadryl even if it makes me sleepy, and rest. The medicines are continuing to take down the inflammation.
My regular doctor is on permanent medical leave. :-( She is such a great doctor. I'm sending her a card c/o her office. I wish she was doing well. Thanks to her for being a doctor for us!
http://www.yelp.com/biz/rachel-callaghan-md-oakland
...
Well, my sympathies go out to anyone who has ever experienced trouble breathing. I did some research and there is a chinese formula which has been shown to prevent anaphylactic responses.
The two herbs which seem to make the biggest difference are:
Zhi Fu Zi (Radix Lateralis Aconiti Carmichaeli Praeparata)
and
Xi Xin (Herba Asari)
In English, these are monkshood daughter root and chinese wild ginger.
These above links are to a couple formulas that have both of these in it (and that tcm website is Awesome!). My current favorite to try is da huang fu zi tang. I have found acupuncture to help me with controlling my asthma and allergies, and I haven't been in months and months (since my acupuncturist started seeing my ex--it felt too weird), so I'm trying a new place tomorrow. Perhaps they'll have the herbs to try too!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Moo Moo Cows
Environmental Impact of Cows
The other day a cow started to charge me. So I've been reading about cows. This link points to one of the main reasons I first became vegetarian. I was reading a WHO report about the impact of cows on our environment in like, 1989, and decided to not contribute to that problem (I was still eating cheese then, though). Methane & Deforestation, etc, because of the huge increase in numbers. I realize in some parts of the world, cows may be a necessary food source; but right now people are super meat focussed (in general), and I don't think that is a good thing, given the impact on the earth & industry trying to compensate for demand (Concentrated Feedlot Operations). The waste from the cows in CFOs is why spinach & other veggies are getting contaminated with salmonella; and its contaminating our waters. mmm. need balance.
The other day a cow started to charge me. So I've been reading about cows. This link points to one of the main reasons I first became vegetarian. I was reading a WHO report about the impact of cows on our environment in like, 1989, and decided to not contribute to that problem (I was still eating cheese then, though). Methane & Deforestation, etc, because of the huge increase in numbers. I realize in some parts of the world, cows may be a necessary food source; but right now people are super meat focussed (in general), and I don't think that is a good thing, given the impact on the earth & industry trying to compensate for demand (Concentrated Feedlot Operations). The waste from the cows in CFOs is why spinach & other veggies are getting contaminated with salmonella; and its contaminating our waters. mmm. need balance.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Religion in the US
[I wrote this for World Have Your Say by the BBC news about the program aired today, August 25, 2010.]
I realize the show for today is over, nonetheless, I want to express how frankly horrified I am by the inflexibility and lack of ...compassion for other religions and other people several of the callers from the US exhibited.
This kind of attitude is embarrassing to me as an American, as it relays an extreme lack of education and understanding of other people in the world, which is quite disturbing, especially when they decide to kill people who don't agree with their religious ideas. I'm thinking specifically of killing doctors who perform abortions. There is no sense of the bigger picture. For example, that more women die when safe abortions are not legal; and who is taking care of all these extra children if you don't allow abortions? Hasn't anyone noticed the hunger and homelessness problems in this country (and others), not to mention the abuse and neglect of children, and overpopulation? And in these "Christian" communities, you are ostracized if you get pregnant, regardless of how it happened.
As I mentioned, the ignorance and inflexibility astounds me.
These people don't seem to realize we are living in a free country, which specifically includes freedom of religion.
Thank you for your show; and for bringing up these issues.
I realize the show for today is over, nonetheless, I want to express how frankly horrified I am by the inflexibility and lack of ...compassion for other religions and other people several of the callers from the US exhibited.
This kind of attitude is embarrassing to me as an American, as it relays an extreme lack of education and understanding of other people in the world, which is quite disturbing, especially when they decide to kill people who don't agree with their religious ideas. I'm thinking specifically of killing doctors who perform abortions. There is no sense of the bigger picture. For example, that more women die when safe abortions are not legal; and who is taking care of all these extra children if you don't allow abortions? Hasn't anyone noticed the hunger and homelessness problems in this country (and others), not to mention the abuse and neglect of children, and overpopulation? And in these "Christian" communities, you are ostracized if you get pregnant, regardless of how it happened.
As I mentioned, the ignorance and inflexibility astounds me.
These people don't seem to realize we are living in a free country, which specifically includes freedom of religion.
Thank you for your show; and for bringing up these issues.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Has the World Gone Deaf?
Why are movie theaters turning the sound up to 11? Why are small cafes turning up the sound full blast? What in the hell is going on? Is the world going deaf?
I wear Earplugs and the sound still hurts my ears. This was not the case even a couple years ago.
What is going on?
You know what people who work at the theaters and cafes say when I ask that the sound be turned down?
"It sounds normal to me." One woman additionally said, "I guess that's bad, isn't it."
Yes. That's bad. It's bad if you walk into the movie theater (especially Bay Street's AMC) and it's so loud you're in pain--and if you leave for a moment, your ears are ringing. Clamp your hands over your ears....with earplugs....and it is still painfully loud.
I will go everywhere *but* Bay Street AMC to see a movie, because I don't want to be deaf.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Picking chocolate chips out of cookie dough
Why am I picking chocolate chips out of cookie dough? I love chocolate. Why?
Because Ghiradelli is cheap and put cow milkfat instead of cocoa butter in their 58% cocoa chocolate chips. Thanks to some idiotic legislation last year (I believe last year--it is recent) it is okay to say "pure chocolate" even if it is not. You can say "pure chocolate" even if you're putting dairy cow milk fat in your chocolate instead of cocoa butter.
I notice the price of the chocolate chips has not gone down. However, their profit has gone up because of the low price of cow milkfat. Why is cow milkfat so cheap? Because we have CFOs -- Concentrated Feeding Operations -- which put all of the cattle together, standing feet deep in their poop. This poop flows out into our waters and contaminates anything growing nearby with salmonella, among other things. That is why we have spinach recalls--mmm. And I wonder what all that concentrated cow, pig, and whatever else warrants a CFO, poop is doing to our water supply. Don't you?
Anyway, these animals are packed together so tightly they can barely move, and they're forcefed corn (which isn't what they're designed to eat), which destroys their internal digestion, which is why the animals are given daily antibiotics so they don't just die from eating corn. The tremendous amount of antibiotics in their systems (and ours), give organisms the chance to become resistant to the antibiotics, so we then have "superbugs" which will kill you because we don't have antibiotics that work against them. But it's CHEAP!
Ah, all things have results. Every action has a consequence.
In any case. I am picking chocolate chips out of the cookie dough I just made because I am allergic to cow milk products (and eggs, blueberries, and sesame). I ate a couple of the chips and started to have an asthma reaction, which is not a comfortable sensation. So I read the label, and discovered this milkfat crap in the chocolate chips.
Why didn't I read the label beforehand, in the store? I am frustrated that I didn't, but I forgot to, and had bought their higher percentage of cocoa chocolate chips previously that don't have cow milkfat in them.
What a pain!
Thank god I am not allergic to corn or soy! They're in Everything.
The cause of my asthma and newfound allergies is another topic. Suffice to say here that it was caused by pregnancy which changed my DNA.
Monday, August 2, 2010
My head just exploded.
My head just exploded...I think so, anyway. I heard a popping sound, and then another, and it does not bode well for the future of my head.
To clarify. I'm firing my head---heh. See, even that sounds weird. There is a whole other language in ceramic work which doesn't mean the same (clearly) in regular language. This can be the case in many specialties; however, I am particularly enjoying the phrase "My head just exploded" and it is true! And I can still type!
I can't check to see if it really did explode yet, because the kiln is still firing the the required temperature, and there are other pieces in there.
I was trying out a new method of building a sculpture of a head. This method isn't very good for avoiding the tiny bubbles which occur when you're building something sculptural with clay.
I fired up my big deliciously large kiln (which my loved one wired for me for my birthday) today for the first time, and the firing is going well...except for this POP!
I don't mind very much because that head was an experiment, and I wanted to see if it would stand up to a bisque firing. A bisque firing is when you heat up the clay to very hot temperatures to harden it. Generally after a bisque firing you do other things to the hardened clay, like put colored slip or glaze or iron oxide on it, and then you fire it again.
The funnest thing for me is to Raku after I have bisque-fired something, as the results are unpredictable in a different way from when something is glazed and fired again in a kiln.
To Raku, you generally put a Raku glaze on your bisqued piece, then you heat it up in a kiln so it is literally glowing red-hot. You take this amazing glowing hot clay out of the kiln by picking it up with long tongs (and you want to be wearing heavy welding gloves), and you put the clay in a small trash can which is filled with sawdust, newspaper, leaves, ... pretty much anything you find you want to try out. This sets everything on fire. FIRE! You let it burn for a minute, and then put the lid on and the smoke and heat and combustibles do the work.
Sometimes a piece can't handle the shock of Raku--watching and hearing ceramic crackle in the relatively cooler air when you take it out of the trash can be amazing, especially when it isn't breaking, just cracking on the surface of the glaze, or the surface of the ceramic.
And, if you don't bisque-fire your clay before you Raku it, it will EXPLODE!
sigh.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Finding the Self
I have frequently in my past felt that I have "lost myself". Hence my goal has been to *not* lose my Self, rather to hold onto my Self which I felt so often had to be subsumed and hidden...and lost.
I realize I repeat myself.
However, I've just been reading Harpers Magazine (August 2010, p. 18) and there is an author speaking about Kafka. He's saying how once Kafka became ill, nothing would come between him and his writing....that Kafka "understood that travel, sex, and books are paths that lead nowhere except to the loss of the self, and yet they must be followed and the self must be lost, in order to find it again, or to find something, whatever it may be--a book, an expression, a misplaced object--in order to find anything at all, a method, perhaps, and, with a bit of luck, the new, which has been there all along."
This concept that there is value in losing yourself, that perhaps the goal is not to hold to your Self at all costs....is a new idea to me.
Perhaps this is a difference in concept between inner and outer self, as well as self and Self. And if we call Self the essence of a person, well that doesn't generally change.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
White girl, black neighborhood
My neighbor, who has been waving at me for a year, came to the door, rang the doorbell, and asked for $20. He was going to mow the lawn (which is less than 12x12) for it...and he had some story about his granddaughter turning 13... and he just wants to get her a present.
Frankly, I think he gets more per month than I do, as I am a student and currently have no income (working on that one).
For (*&#$ sake! I thought he was being friendly to be friendly. But no. I'm white, so he comes to my door--the house I'm renting, to ask for something. Perhaps I should hand him the book I'm reading about the myth of black inferiority, which also talks about the habit of asking white people for handouts. My next door neighbor just sat quietly. He wasn't asking her for anything, I can tell you. She'd probably yell at him, but not me. Nah, I'm too nice.
I think the worst part *is* I was nice to him, and at he moment I'm feeling much more like, "The Nerve!" Instead of that, me with the white person crap-eating grin.
Perhaps it was something accepted by the owners of this house. I don't know. And now he tells me he doesn't even live in the neighborhood anymore. So why is he here all the time?
Fine, just leave me the heck alone.
(I'm working on not swearing, but I think it is less effective.)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
*Real* Health Care Reform
From October 23, 2009
Dear Members of the Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Commitee,
I deeply appreciate you, and I hope your stand on Healthcare reform mirrors my own. I want to let you know that I fully want a single payer health care system, and a way out of the chokehold health insurance companies have on healthcare. These companies are taking advantage of people and doctors by driving healthcare costs up. Most important to me is that each person in this country can get the healthcare they need to stay healthy. Women should be able to have children without listing pregnancy as a "pre-existing condition". I recommend to anyone who argues with *real* healthcare reform, which takes health insurance companies out of the equation, to simply stop having health insurance for a while, and then try to sign up for it. I can only afford "disaster coverage" right now, and I have heard that in the fine print many of the insurance companies don't cover many of the "disaster" conditions for which you buy the insurance! Is it not true that all of the people voting on Health Care Reform already have health insurance? How nice that must be. What a luxury!
Another important aspect of this debate is how important entrepreneurs are to this country. Is this not agreed? At the moment, any entrepreneur will not be insured unless they have extra money to spend (at least $200/month for a basic plan) that they wouldn't be putting into their business. Alternatively, an entrepreneur must work for a bigger company, just for the health insurance. It makes no sense for the larger economic picture.
Requiring people who cannot currently afford health care insurance at the current exorbitant prices to *buy* health insurance is not health care reform; it's requiring already struggling people to give *more* money to the health insurance companies, which will make them more powerful, and hence may charge even higher prices since they'll have a captive audience, as it were. Again, it makes no sense.
Can't we simply put everyone who wants to join on the current government health insurance plan that all of our Representatives are already on?
Many Thanks.
Anya Behn
I deeply appreciate you, and I hope your stand on Healthcare reform mirrors my own. I want to let you know that I fully want a single payer health care system, and a way out of the chokehold health insurance companies have on healthcare. These companies are taking advantage of people and doctors by driving healthcare costs up. Most important to me is that each person in this country can get the healthcare they need to stay healthy. Women should be able to have children without listing pregnancy as a "pre-existing condition". I recommend to anyone who argues with *real* healthcare reform, which takes health insurance companies out of the equation, to simply stop having health insurance for a while, and then try to sign up for it. I can only afford "disaster coverage" right now, and I have heard that in the fine print many of the insurance companies don't cover many of the "disaster" conditions for which you buy the insurance! Is it not true that all of the people voting on Health Care Reform already have health insurance? How nice that must be. What a luxury!
Another important aspect of this debate is how important entrepreneurs are to this country. Is this not agreed? At the moment, any entrepreneur will not be insured unless they have extra money to spend (at least $200/month for a basic plan) that they wouldn't be putting into their business. Alternatively, an entrepreneur must work for a bigger company, just for the health insurance. It makes no sense for the larger economic picture.
Requiring people who cannot currently afford health care insurance at the current exorbitant prices to *buy* health insurance is not health care reform; it's requiring already struggling people to give *more* money to the health insurance companies, which will make them more powerful, and hence may charge even higher prices since they'll have a captive audience, as it were. Again, it makes no sense.
Can't we simply put everyone who wants to join on the current government health insurance plan that all of our Representatives are already on?
Many Thanks.
Anya Behn
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